Like it or not, it looks like the holidays are upon us.  In fact, the first holiday just went whizzing past.

Remember that turkey smell a while back… that was Thanksgiving.

Coming back to you?  Oh well, you probably didn’t miss much anyhow.  Some of your family slept, some watched football and the ones that were left looked at circulars out of the newspaper (you know you did… or were you asleep?) in preparation for Black Friday. 

Black Friday… the day where people die for the love of shopping.  Not cool.

My goal is to give you some advice to keep you alive through the bigger of the two holidays… Christmas.  Sorry to my Jewish readers and any other holidays I don’t cover… I am not familiar - so feel free to do your own survival guide if you are offended.  Because I don’t really have the time or the knowledge to pull it off.

Turn your head and cough.

Ok - maybe that wasn’t the best header.  But the point is that you need to be on your toes during this season and stay away from that flu bug, sneezing kid or “stomach bug” friend you have calling you.  The worst start to the holidays is catching a cold.  Dealing with the holidays can be hard enough, but to do it while you are under the weather… dumb.

I know you can’t prevent it all, you are going to get that sniffly-nose at some point or that nagging cough… but curving it before it becomes a problem is the key.  The minute you get that twinge in your throat, or that burning feeling in your nose (you know the one, HOW CAN A NOSE BE SO CLEAN IT HURTS?!?) - you have to take action.

Some folks live by Airborne, some just take a HUGE dose of Vitamin C… each have their assigned haterz (yes, I say haterz - wh-wha-what?!) that will argue with you for hours on end.  I won’t argue.  If it works for you, get after it.  I do the Vitamin C thing, so - to each their own.  Like I said… don’t fight with me about it.  If you have a better option, throw it out there.  My Grandpa used to just liquor us up (hot tottie style) and wrap us in blankets and make us sweat it out.  Wait… that was my wife last night - just getting me drunk.  Never mind, everything is a bit blurry.

If you have a good insurance plan - head to the doc… if you have a bad one… ask a friend for some drugs.  Not those kinds of drugs, or those kinds of friends.  Wait a second… what kind of drugs do they have?  Call me.  Let’s hang out.  Let’s be friends.  Let’s be friends with your friends. 

I got off track.  Your friends ARE cool though.  What I was trying to say was that you should ask around to see if anyone has any left over meds.  I know people say you shouldn’t take other people’s meds… but I call those people - RICH.  Leave the poor to do whatever we have to do to remain healthy.

Another great way to stay healthy is to avoid sickness all together.  You could lock yourself in a closet until Jan. or Feb.  That works wonders… AND you will be one of the few that actually LOSE weight during the holidays.  A true win-win situation.  Seriously, you know where the flu hangs out.  Where kids hang out.  Schools, businesses, malls and myspace.  So try your best to avoid these like the plague… that was a sickness joke thingy.  And no matter what your Mom told you… you can’t get sick from wet hair.  You just get a cold head.  Which, I guess isn’t all that good either - but it isn’t the flu.  Do some research MOMs… geeze.

If at all possible, shop online.

Ever heard of anyone dying online from a stampede of shoppers?  Nope.  WHY risk your life for a Elmo and 2 more inches of TV for your bedroom?  Get it online.  Quit being a sucker.  People have been slowly coming around to internet shopping (for Christmas gifts) over the past few years - enough to now deem the day after the Black Friday weekend… CYBER MONDAY!  I don’t think it has the exclamation point after it in most cases, but I added for a dramatic effect.  I roll like that.  Sometimes.  But really though - the internet isn’t going to steal your credit card and use and abuse it on porno/online casinos/drugs.  And even if it did, what would make it any different than what you normally do with your credit card?  I mean how would you even tell it wasn’t legit charges?

Shopping online is something I have done for years.  There is just something about beating the rush, using the tools the internet gives you (Froogle, Nextag, Ebay) and coming out looking like a genius that you can’t put a freakin’ price on.  How often do you get a chance to shop in your underwear?  Not often enough if you ask me.  Here is your chance!

Underwear shopping rules.

Although shopping in your undies is the coolest part, the second coolest part is the discount codes you can find online.  Pretty much every online store has a spot to put in discount codes/coupon codes and so you have to take advantage of that.  You are thinking… “I don’t have any codes though - so how would I use it?”  Don’t be dumb.  THE INTERNET HAS THEM STUPID!  Just go searching.  Want one for Lowe’s?  Go search Google for “Lowe’s discount codes”.  You need one for Amazon?  You know what to do.  It might not be but 10%, but seriously… come the holiday season, every penny counts.

Of course you can shop online and have them ship it, but I will tell you another tip when you are shopping online.  IN STORE PICKUP.  If you really want to piss off the world… and when I say “world” I mean “people that shop in REAL stores in the REAL world instead of online” then you should order something online and then go pick it up in the store.  It is so much fun to walk up to the customer service desk and walk out with your items instead of having the “shop”.  Or at least it is for me.  Then I like to go walk besides people shopping for the same item and say - yeah I just picked that up.  See?!  Then kick them in their shins and run off.

That is what the holidays is all about right?

Don’t fight with your family, stay jolly-ish.

You might hate the way your brother-in-law picks on you or how your Mom just can’t stay away from the wine cabinet long enough to open presents… but the holidays are not the time to confront them.  People travel miles upon miles to be with their families and then spend it pissed off at each other.  Not cool at all.  You have to respect people during the holidays, you just have to… so deal with it.  After the new year, you can call them and tell them how stupid they are…  but not over the holidays - let it slide.

If you have to fight, try to do it drunk.  At least that way you will have an excuse and maybe worst parts will be forgotten out of drunken stupor alone. 

Who am I kidding - pretty much everything is done drunk during the holidays… so I would say fighting has about a 90% chance to be done while drunk.  It is just simple math.

Give something else besides Pixos or Converse.

Sometimes we forget that Christmas is about giving.  Unless it is what someone else is giving to us.  Or that laundry list of presents you have to buy for the kids in the family, the boss or mother-in-law.  But giving can be so much more than that.  I always try to help out charities and such if I can or throw money in the bucket for the bell-ringers come the holidays.  Personally the local charities mean more to us (Shala & I), simply because it can go to our community and really make a difference that we can see over time.

There is a feeling you get when giving to people that NEED things more than we do - that you can’t top.  It truly is the Christmas spirit in my mind.  The food is good, the family is great - but helping out your fellow man is what it is all about.

And Jesus.  Don’t forget that dude.  ;)  HA HA HA - HO! HO! HO!

***Updated (from Heather)

Get silly with silly string.

Our family does silly string on Christmas morning - in the living room, so you can’t run very far when being attacked by 6 different colors of sprayed string flying through the air, thus ensuring a big colorful mess & much laughter & getting frustrations out. It works well for us. (Come to think of it, randomly spraying people with silly string would be a grand idea…)

What are a few tips you have about surviving the holidays?  Share them with us, and we will do our best to include them.  Shoot us an email or leave it in the comments area and we will add it accordingly.  If you enjoyed this post - subscribe to Double Danger.  Also - be sure to follow Double Danger on Twitter - TWEET!

Tags: Funny, Make A Difference, Personal, Self Help by James
2 Comments »

This question creeps up in my brain from time to time.  Honestly, it is usually during the trying times that it creeps up most.  This being one of those times I suppose.

A little backstory.

10 years ago, I had no aspirations to do anything involving computers.  NONE.  At. All.

I tell this story all the time to clients and potential employers to show how easily I picked up the talents I have now…

I didn’t use a computer until I was 19.  I mean I played on them when I was little and I typed up a few things in school - but for the most part I didn’t “use” one, unless forced - until I was 19 or so.  I remember buying it and thinking you just got on it and it already had the “internet”.  I pulled it out of the box and hooked it all up (using the instructions of course) and sat there thinking…

“Wow… the internet.”

What an idiot I was back then.

Once I got the internet hooked up (dial-up), I didn’t really know where to go or what to do.  I was so amazed, but didn’t know really what I was amazed by.

After getting my first computer, I guess it was about 2 more years before I even began using it for anything.  I remember buying a program to make music and playing around with some friends on it.  I thought I was something else. 

Of course I chatted, emailed… downloaded music and everything else people did on the internet.

It wasn’t until I went to school for 6 months or so for networking that I realized I could probably make money off my computer skills.  Part of the program had me doing Word/Excel/Access courses and I aced those tests with ease.  Before long I noticed that I wasn’t learning as much as I thought I should be from the school and so I left.

A dropout.

Sue me.

I got a job right before leaving the school though at a .com in our sister city.  This propelled me into the career I have today.  The one I wonder if it is right for me sometimes.

Development always came easy to me.  Design, marketing… hell anything to do with online business just seemed to click in my brain and with little to no effort I could come up with elaborate creations that either I could put in place myself, or with some help from some fellow nerds.  So I never question that part of it. 

I am an innovator.  A leader (by birth).

I just wonder if I am leading and innovating in the wrong industry sometimes.

What keeps me going when I have doubts?

I would lie if I said it didn’t have something to do with money.  Everyone has dollar signs tattooed on their right wrist.  But I also would lie if I said it was the only thing that motivates me.  I have worked in web development for pocket change.  I have done work of my own (like this site here) for no check (besides Adsense).  I love seeing things come together.  I get that giddy feeling when I finish a website or project and see it working and people using it out in the field.  It is hard to explain.  Imagine if you built houses and when you got done with a house someone moved in that had never owned a house before and you got to watch them (not like a stalker) using the doors, opening the windows - kids playing on the floor… all the things you built and put into place.  That feeling.

I saw people in our line of work (Medical) struggling to do day-to-day tasks, and with our software in place - it is a breeze.  I think of all the paper we are saving, trees that are spared because of our paperless system.  I hear customers telling me how they did all their work and went home at the end of the day and played with their kids.  They tell me how much that means to them and how before the system was in place, they spent 2-3 hours at the end of each day working on paperwork - the same hours they now get to watch a movie with the family or getting that much needed rest.

Not to mention the fact that this system allows for the documentation of home health therapy visits for older folks that might have broke a hip, or need speech therapy.  I know that our software doesn’t do the therapy or help the old people in the same way the therapist does… but I can’t help but think that I aid in helping someone’s grandpa get back to their old self, or it gets someone’s grandma back in the kitchen cooking that pie they love so much.

Yeah, I guess that keeps me going sometimes. 

What makes you want to scream and pull out the hair you don’t have?

I’m bald… so what.  Doesn’t mean I don’t hit a wall sometimes and want to pull my tiny lil baby hairs out.  A lot of you that are in the same industry as I am in (IT), realize that everyday could be a disaster at anytime.  Whether it be an update that Microsoft put out to secure a vulnerability or someone had an accident that knocked out power to your main server… shit happens in our industry.  I have to say that 80% of the time it has nothing to do with anything I did, it just starts at random.

So they teach us to have backup plans and backup plans to those backup plans and exit strategies, contingency plans and anything else you can think of to get the eff out of a bad situation.  This is great, but the problem is that sometimes you can’t produce or even phathom the things that go wrong and you end up with your pants down.  At church.  On stage.  Singing Amazing Grace.  For the mayor.  And his family.  And yours.

This is when I contemplate whether people at Whataburger or Wal-Mart ever have the same problems.  I know I should be happy to be in an exciting job that sends me across the U.S. to visit with folks and have drinks and live up each experience in each city.  I should be happy to be the boss, leave if I need to - not clock in… you know the “perks”. 

But those perks come at a price.  Those folks at Wal-Mart don’t have boxes of cereal calling them at home going…

“HEY - you put me in the wrong shelf and someone just bought me at a discounted price!  What The EFF!”

Or an angry customer doesn’t call the Best Buy employee that sold them the wrong connection for their HD TV, and now their kids can’t watch Cars for the 50-millionth time this week.

Nope, I doubt it happens.

And let me get something else off my chest here.  I do my job, I do it with as much customer service as humanly possible.  Last month, 2 days before we were flying to Miami to go on vacation, we had a problem with a new customer we set up in New Orleans.  Instead of saying to hell with it, I’m going on vacation - I manned up and flew to New Orleans the next morning and then flew back the same day after getting them up and going.  That is how I do business.

I say that to say this…  I can’t seem to get a decent amount of customer service these days if I wave a 50$ bill over my head and say…

“THIS GOES TO THE PERSON THAT WANTS TO DO BUSINESS, THE RIGHT WAY!”

We order pizza and the guy doesn’t bring cheese & peppers after we asked specifically for that several times.  We go to the grocery store and sit at the self check out for 10 minutes because the person “monitoring” it isn’t paying enough attention to notice we have an invalid weight for an item, and need assistance.  The list goes on and on…

I know each job has its own set of rules and obstacles, but seriously… I program in a foreign language, several of them.  I make things that are brodcast across the globe if need be.  I make that gadget you hold in your hand and it does all the cool things you want it to.  I book your reservations online using code.  I get those documents from your computer to a big computer and allow for someone else to get them and everyone get paid in the process.  I make sure the accounting is handled.  I generate those reports you need.  I MAKE MAGIC.

And you can’t get the pickles on my effin’ burger.  PICKLES!

Why I think I could quit and still be happy or stay and be happy as well.

I have done a lot of jobs in my short life.  I love to build things.  I love working with my hands.  I don’t mind sweating and getting dirty if need be.  The same design concepts that are used in my line of work is also easily converted into many other fields.  I could build houses, work on cars, manage businesses, market products or just brainstorm in a think tank.  I could do any of these things and still be happy at the end of the day.

My Grandpa showed me a lot of things in life and I could go on and on about them, but one of the most important things I learned from him is that you can do just about anything and make ends meet and be happy.  My Grandpa had his own business fixing lawn mowers.  He also worked as a night watchman for the school system in a small town for 20+ years.  He retired through the school.  He eventually closed his shop.  But by then, he over 10 or so rent houses that he worked on and kept up - so he was more than busy.

It showed me that if a man doing something as simple as night-watching, and something he actually loved (working with his hands on lawn mowers & houses) could make an honest living and be happy while doing so… there is hope.  Hope for a programmer.  Hope for me. 

Hope that my doubts aren’t in vain, hopes my reasons for continuing on aren’t in vain either.

***Update***

So… do I have a Home Depot story to tell pointing out both the good and bad sides of customer service.  Let me get it together for an actual post - but man… perfect timing.

Tags: Personal, Self Help by James
7 Comments »

I’m sorry.

Really I am.

I’m sorry for those that are losing their houses.  I’m sorry for those that have lost their job in the past year and are standing in the unemployment line waiting for a check to feed their kids.  I’m sorry for those businesses that have already had to close their doors and those that inevitably will have to shut their’s as well.

Times are hard.

I’m sorry for those that live in West Texas and have seen the benefits of overpriced oil, overly-available jobs and have had the luxury of watching our cities boom.  I’m sorry you have grown accustomed to having money in your pocket at the expense of the nation.  I’m sorry you were taxed so much because you made so much and now the thought of oil coming back down to reality has jeopardized your lifestyle.  I’m sorry your lifestyle has grown accustomed to eating out every meal and drinking yourself into a semi-coma with “clients” or “training in Abu Dhabi” has been cancelled this week.

I’m sorry we had to live through uber-high oil prices, a soaring stock market and pockets being padded to an extent that the average worker locally had very little to worry about… while the rest of America was busy dealing with life and putting food on the table or gas in the car.

I’m sorry things got so comfortable.

I’m sorry that our housing prices have gotten a bit out of hand and that you made 80k off a house you bought 3 years ago.  I’m sorry you put money down to build that house that was priced way out of your league and with the economy bottoming back out your 401k isn’t what it should be.  I’m sorry you have a new mortgage and selling it might mean you being taxed on capital gains.  I’m sorry you have capital gains, losses would be much better I’m certain.

I’m really truly sorry you invested all your time in the oil field, going to school to find the perfect job like your father, your uncle and cousins.  I’m sorry your eggs were forced into an overloaded basket and the thought of a new administration not focused solely on the “drill baby, drill” philosophy will crack a few.  I’m sorry if your eggs are one of the few.  You remember 8 dollar oil barrels and the “suckers” you felt sorry for back then, I feel the same about you too.

I hate to hear your down in the dumps because you can’t get a loan at a whim.  Your credit is bad, your bank is on the verge of selling out and you don’t know if the government will bail them out - I’m sorry.  Sorry that you used all your credit on that new sports car, and that boat and building that new house - based on an income that was blown out of proportion and now you have to figure a way out of it when everything settles back down to reality.

Sorry that your office job where you sit and send funny emails about deer or huge snakes caught out in the field is now possibly downsizing at some point, since oil is down.  Sorry you won’t be making 3 times the normal teacher’s salary to ride around in a company provided truck and “gas up” your jet ski on your way to the lake house on a Friday morning.  Perhaps the worse part being that you will have to go in and do actual work, hate to hear that.

Sorry to those that hate to see equality, hate to see a man of color playing the president in real life… but in movies, that it is perfectly ok.  Sorry that a woman from Kansas and a man from Kenya picked the middle name of Hussein, I’m sure based on their love of Saddam.  I’m sorry that our generation finally has it’s momentous figure to talk about, and its moment that will “live in infamy” - much like you do with your memories of JFK or FDR.  I’m sorry that lady didn’t give up her seat that day years and years ago that even made this possible.  Sorry MLK had that dream… and we haven’t awoken yet.

Sorry for the hope instilled in folks that had nothing to hope for prior.  My apologies for giving young kids a dream of becoming president no matter the color of their skin.  Sorry the civil rights movement is still an ongoing process.  And I’m sorry the American dream is still alive and well.

I’m sorry the line of church & state has blurred so much.  I’m sure our forefathers didn’t really mean that literally.  Sorry our country has become so diverse.  Sorry our country is so great that immigration is now a sour issue.  Sorry we have folks working in the field, taking jobs away from Americans.  Jobs that I’m sure wouldn’t be taken anyhow… but still… accept my apologies for that.  Sorry that America is so promising that people would rather risk persecution just to get a chance to make some money to take home to their not-so well-off country.  Sorry that those Mexican fellows were not at Lowe’s the other weekend and you had to hire out the tile work to a higher bid.  I’m sure it is just a phase and they will be back.  Maybe we are building that fence to high… sorry about that.

Sorry for all the welfare cases.  I’m sure it is just those “abusers” taking advantage of “the system”.  I bet none of them have lost their jobs because of the mess we are in, sure it has to do with them wanting an “easy way out”.  Sorry your tax dollars and social security is going to “support” these “losers”.  Maybe we can get that cleaned up so that we don’t help out anyone in need.  You know… the American way.

So sorry about our occupation of Iraq might be drawing to a close.  I know that hurts your pocket heart.  Sorry we have to cut our losses, and try to end this thing.  We can chalk this one up as a win, because of “the Surge”.  Yeah, that makes it ok.  Sorry to our grandkids that will have to dig out of the deficit created by a war about oil nothing.  Sorry we didn’t find WMD.  I’m sure they were well hidden or they will turn up sooner or later.

I really do apologize to everyone.  I’m sorry about this whole election thing.  Sorry we couldn’t find a better way to satisfy everyone.  Sorry we thought of ourselves, and those less fortunate.  Sorry America needs a revamp, and the only people left to do it is me and you.  Sorry it is going to be so much work, and it is going to take time to fix it all.  I hope we have the will-power.  I know you don’t want to hear this, but we all will have to work together.  And I do mean work.  I know… I’m sorry for that as well.  Sorry we just got a new marketing department for America and you don’t like it all that well.  Once again, maybe its just a phase.

So sorry for those that get left behind.  Those that wait for something else to happen, something else to blame, someone to point a finger at - I’m sorry.  Sorry if your tax rate changes, or you have to work a few more years to ensure a safe retirement.  I truly am sorry for that.

I guess what I am trying to say is…

I’m sorry.

Tags: Make A Difference, Money, Personal, Self Help by James
8 Comments »

I know a few of you were wondering if we were forced out of our house for mere pennies, or did the private Christian school do the right thing.

They did.

It has been super stressfull, too damn busy and overall sucky for the past couple months.  But we made it.  We got what we needed and we will be moving into our new house in November. 

Overall we upgraded.  Our new house has 4 bedrooms (we only had 3), 2 bath, 2 car garage (which we didn’t have before), about 400-500 more square foot, 2 living areas (we only had 1 before), a sunroom (we didn’t have one of these) and its on a cul de sac (we were on a very busy street with all the school traffic).

How’s that for an upgrade?!?!

So now we begin the whole packing, inspecting, appraising, financing, moving… all that crap.  Yay.  My favorite part.

We are getting new carpet put in all the bedrooms and living room of the new house and we are going to redo the living room before doing so.  On top of that, we are going to put up a new fence before we move in as well… so we have some work to do, but we are excited to get on with it.

If there is a moral to this story…

If you work hard enough at something, “it all works out“.

Don’t get me started.

Tags: Money, Personal, Self Help by James
8 Comments »

Dear 28 Year Old James,

This is yourself writing.  Except I am 48 now, and I never thought I would make it this far.  Your probably worried about 30 inching in… while I’m worried about 50.  Don’t sweat it.  Your already going bald, you have a beautiful wife that is going to love you anyhow - your overweight, but your working on it.  Kind of.  Just make sure you eat your veggies… your going to be sad you didn’t one day. 

Heart attacks hurt.  And they hurt more than just you.  Think about your family.

Oh yeah… you have a family now.  You didn’t know?  And perhaps waiting until you were 30 wasn’t the best idea considering you are now 48 and barely got done putting the first one out on their own.  Geeez.  Who’s idea was this.  Once again you should have listened to your wife… she was right.  Again.

Don’t sweat the house thing going on now.  It seems like a big deal, but really it all ends up right - due to all the work you and Shala did to get all the numbers right.  It finally “all worked out“.  ;)  So good job you two.

Better quit yellin’ at your dogs.  You will be sad when they are gone.

And that job your at, that you work so hard on… you know the big project your working on… the early mornings and long hours… keep it up.  It makes up for it all pretty quick down the road.  “The Google” just might catch wind of what you guys are doing.  That is all I can say.  No really… legally I’m bound to silence.

Kiss your wife more.  It gets outlawed in 2024, and you will be pissed you didn’t get enough in while you can.  It is a long story.

Go ahead and buy a donkey.  Life is too short not to get some of those things you have always wanted.  Here I sit, donkey-less and wishing I would have pulled the trigger.  Oh yeah… and call him “Trigger”, I always wanted that - but you know that.

I know its soooo cliche… but don’t sweat the small stuff.  Sweat the bigger stuff, it makes a lot more sense.  Big stuff always ends up being bigger stuff… small stuff usually stays small.

One last thing back-to-the-future me… SELL OUT.  The only people that bitch and complain about those that sell out, are the ones that never got the chance.  Sell out and never look back.

Hope all is well and you are lovin’ life,

James (But in the future about 20 years)

P.S. - That big ass trailer BBQ pit you wanted… make it happen.  It was a great idea.

For those that do not know where this came from, Mama Kat over at MLI has a weekly assignment to help bloggers with their skills and also help them get out from underneath the dreaded writer’s block.  We do it, because we think it is fun and we like to participate.  Because we are participaters.  Or something.  Actually we think it is a great idea and we wish we thought of it.  ;)  If you enjoy it, play along… if not - who cares.

Tags: Funny, Personal, Self Help by James
4 Comments »