I don’t normally condone forwards but if it is funny or pertains to my life in general - I let it slide.  So this one hit my inbox yesterday morning and since I haven’t been around to post lately, I had to share with you guys & gals.

So if your a BBQ fan, or a woman… or a man… yup that covers everyone - then you should enjoy this one.

BBQ  RULES
We are entering the BBQ season. Therefore it is important to refresh your memory on the etiquette of this sublime outdoor cooking activity, as it’s the only type of cooking a ‘real’ man will do, probably because there is an element of danger involved.

When a man volunteers to do the BBQ the following chain of events are put into motion:

Routine…
(1) The woman buys the food.
(2) The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables, and makes dessert.
(3) The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill — beer in hand.

Here comes the important part:
(4) THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL.

More routine…
(5) The woman goes inside to organize the plates and cutlery.
(6) The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is burning. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer while he deals with the situation.   

Important again:
(7) THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN.

More routine…
(8) The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces, and brings them to the table.
(9) After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.

And most important of all:
(10) Everyone PRAISES the MAN and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts.
(11) The man asks the woman how she enjoyed ‘her night off,’ And, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there’s just no pleasing some women….

Tags: Barbeque, Cooking, Funny by James
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On Saturday we decided that we did not have enough responsibility when it comes to plants and gardening and we headed out to find some more pepper and tomato plants.  We purchased 3 Jalapeno plants and 2 tomato plants to fill in the gaps here and there.  We eat a TON of jalapenos when we start BBQin’ all the time… so it was something we HAD to do… ya know?

As far as tomatoes… can you ever really have enough?  I don’t think so.  So we added a few varieties to keep it exciting.

So now we have about 6 hot pepper pepper plants getting to that stage where they should be pushin’ peppers out at us at in no time.  MmmmMmMmmm

Check the pic below of what is now called… “Pepper Row”

Tags: Barbeque, Gardening, Pictures by James
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What is a great BBQ if you don’t have good music or games for everyone to enjoy?  Well probably a boring BBQ if you ask me.  Now this isn’t the same type of tips as we have been providing, but when you are throwing a BBQ it is vital to keep people entertained while they are waiting for the good food. 

So the question is…

How To Entertain Your BBQ Guests?

This is easier than you think.  If you are like most folks, when BBQ is on the grill - people are usually drinking (adult beverages) and having a good time.  I mean it is easy to strike up a conversation when the weather is nice and there is the smell of great BBQ in the air… am I right?  I have never been to a barbeque that was all that boring.  However, I am pretty easy to please for the most part… so let us talk about those that are difficult in terms of keeping entertained.

I have found that most people loosen up when there is some form of music being played.  So first off, crank up the tunes!  Music can get people dancing (if people do that anymore) and if nothing else bring the mood up a bit.  You just need to make sure you are picking solid BBQ music.

What is solid BBQ music?

In the South, we like to put on some country music… maybe some David Allen Coe or George Jones.  Even the not so old country like Hank Williams Jr. or George Strait.  Maybe some Alan Jackson… whoever you are into.  Just put them on.

If you like rock, some older rock music like ZZTop or the Eagles is a good start.  Everyone knows those songs and everyone likes them for the most part - so this will help people talk amongst themselves and bring the mood up where it needs to be. 

Music is good for the soul, so if you have to… throw together a BBQ mix “tape”.  I can’t believe I just said that.  I just picture me saying to Shala….

“I made you a mix tape.”

**shakes head**

Who says tape anymore… seriously?  Ok, let’s get back on track.

Throw some hits from the past.  Maybe “Freebird”, “Jessie’s Girl”, “Country Boy Can Survive” or whatever else gets the crowd going.  Everyone will be drunk and singing in no time.  That is how BBQ’s should be.

Of course if you like different music and so does your group of friends… modify this to your liking.  If you like rap, then throw on some old school rap… Dr. Dre, Snoop Dogg…  Ice Cube - you know, the grandfathers of rap.  The bottom-line is, put something on to get the people lively.  No one wants to go to some lame BBQ where everyone is sitting around staring at each other.  BOooooooooooo-ring.

What about games for my BBQ?

This is something that can really get things going.  Weather it is yard games, video games, board games or some sort of gambling… you can really get people (especially people that don’t know each other) interacting and such.  So what kind of games do you play?  How do you get people involved?  It really depends on your crowd, but I will give you some examples of what we do/have done.

Recently we had a BBQ with family and after trying to create a “washers” game with two beer cans and some Macgyver like skills… we finally gave up.  Bad planning I guess.  Later on though, one of our cousins came through with a yard game called “Ladder Golf”.  This game is possibly one of the most addicting games (and easily learned) there is… at least in regards to yard games.  I am sure some of you have played horseshoes or washers and found it frustrating as hell because you couldn’t score… while some “ringer” comes in and takes all your money.  Ok… wait, maybe not everyone plays for money, but you know what I mean.  Those games are tough, but ladder golf is fun and easy!

If you want to check out ladder golf, or even build your own ladder golf game… check the links below.

Learn About Ladder Golf/Buy Ladder Golf - cheap and fun.

How To Build Your Own Ladder Golf - easy as pie!

Now, I am not going to tell you not to play other yard games like horseshoes, washers or croquet.  Of course, don’t go and play lawn darts!  The most dangerous game ever invented.  Most lawn/yard games are cool, fun and get people up and involved.  So feel free to choose your favorite.

How about board games at my BBQ?

Of course.  When it gets dark, if people are up to it, bust out some Monopoly or Scrabble or whatever floats your boat.  Board games can be a blast with lots of people.  Try to pick something with as few rules as possible, people DO NOT want to come to your BBQ to relax and find that they have to follow all these rules.  Not fun.  Pick something like Taboo or Cranium, break up into teams and play Pictionary… anything to get people smiling and having a good time.

We like to gamble with our friends, what games are fun gambling games?

I don’t condone gambling… unless there is a chance I might win some money of course. ;)  I remember so many games that could fall into this category.  Of course any card game from poker to screw your neighbor, hell I have turned go fish into gambling before… so use your imagination.

Now beyond that there are tons of dice games you can play for money.  Hold on one sec, I want to clear this “play for money” thing up.  Playing for money doesn’t have to mean what you think.  Really.  You can play for nickels or pennies or anything… something just to pick the game up a notch.  It makes it a bit more fun, it isn’t like it is got to be a dollar a game or something. 

There is a great game that everyone can jump in and play with called “horse racing” or “horse races”.  It is cool, you sit around and bet on horses, they have games you can buy that have the whole setup or you can make it out of poster board and it works just the same.  If you haven’t ever seen one, check out the links below:

Horse Race Game (Premium) - high class gambling.

Horse Race Game (Not So Premium) - low class gambling.

Any of the before mentioned things can liven up your next BBQ.  If you have already mastered the skills needed to BBQ with the best of them, then all you need to do now is learn how to throw a big party.  Hopefully the tips above will help you keep your guests entertained.  The bottom-line is to have fun, be easy and be safe - keep all three things in mind.

Tags: Barbeque, Link'age by James
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All to often we are asked how we figure the amount of food to feed people at our barbeques.  This is a tough question, simply because appetites vary and so do portion sizes.  Of course when you add in multiple items (chicken, ribs, brisket) it just complicates the equation even more.  So my hope is that I can help figure this out with some simple math.  We hope to be adding a nice “Rib Calculator” soon to help people out with some of these problems, but until then… let me give you the math.

How Many People Does a Rack of Ribs Feed?

Well this depends on a few things.  First, are ribs the only thing you are going to be BBQing?  Secondly, how many people are going to be attending your BBQ?  Once you have those two things answered, we can move on.

Lets say you are only BBQing ribs on this occasion, then you need to figure about 3-4 ribs per person.  This is about to get confusing, so it will be best just to use an example.

So if you had 10 people showing up, then this is your math problem. 

10 (people) x 4 (ribs per person) = 40 (total ribs)

Now that you have the total amount of ribs, you can take that number and divide it by the estimated ribs per rack and round up.

40 (total ribs) / 12 (estimated ribs per rack) = Ceiling(3.3) or 4 (total racks of ribs)

I know this is nerdy as hell, but you get the idea.  Of course if you want, you could always go to the store with the total ribs number (40 in this case) and hand picked your ribs based on the final number adding up to your total ribs number… more power to ya.  But remember, this is an estimate - so if your friend brings his friend and his friend brings his girlfriend and his girlfriend is a cookie monster type chick… you are going to be under-supplied.  So I feel it is best to over supply a bit and who can gripe about leftover BBQ right?  Not this kid.

Now of course if you are feeding a crapload of dudes and you think your estimated ribs per person might be a bit higher… then adjust the equation accordingly and you should be fine.  If you are like me and are going to be making several items… then you need to adjust for that as well.

How Do I Determine How Much Meat To Cook At My BBQ?

So your not just doing ribs, you are going to do a brisket and some chicken to tag along with the ribs.  Or maybe you are doing some sausage and some chicken legs, you know… just a bbq buffet of sorts.  This can throw anyone off their rocker when it comes to math if you don’t know what you’re doing.  So let’s try to hash it out the best we can.

Ribs are a staple at our BBQs, so we want to make sure to do the math on that first.  I like to bring it down to 2 ribs per person in this case, so use the equation above and modify it accordingly.  This should get that figured out quickly.  Then depending on your other items you can figure it up.

Let’s just say you are doing a brisket to accompany your ribs, so how do you figure that?  Usually if I am doing both a brisket and ribs, then I will buy a smaller brisket - something in the 6-12 lbs range.  Then you can slice it when it is all said and done and you have a nice compliment to go along with your rib selection.  Now if you are doing a large number of folks, then grab a bigger brisket, or possibly two small ones.  I like to figure about 1/4 to 1/2 pound of brisket per person just to be safe.  If, of course, you are feeding ribs as well.

Now let’s throw one more thing into the equation.  Let’s say you have some chicken fans showing up, so you are going to put a few birds on the grill.  You can choose a few options… beer can chicken is a great option, but also you can go with chicken legs.  My suggestion for smaller groups would be a beer can chicken, if you are having several people over, then I would do chicken legs.  The cool thing about chicken legs, you can just judge 1 per person for the most part.  So if you are having 12 people, grab a 12 pack of chicken legs.  Simple.

If you are going to do beer can chicken, I would judge it as about one small chicken will feed 4-6 people (if you are serving other meats as well).  So use that to best gauge your chicken supply.

What about those jalapeno popper things you always talk about?

These are tricky, since you probably will be eating a few as you go and people will flock to grab some the minute they see you have them on the grill.  The cool thing though it is easy to figure how many a batch of jalapenos will make.  If you make them like I do, you can get two out of each jalapeno - so 15 jalapenos will make… you guessed it >> 30 armadillo eggs.  That is what they are called by the way, armadillo eggs.  If you do not know how to make them, then look at our How to make armadillo eggs article.  I figure about 3 per person, then I round up 10 more.  Reason being is because these get CONSUMED quicker than anything and you will look down and all of a sudden you have eaten 4 and the meal isn’t even started yet.  haha  They are THAT good.  So if you have 15 people coming… here is your math problem of the day.

15 (people) x 3 (armadillo eggs per person) = 45 (armadillo eggs total)

Then…

45 (armadillo eggs total) + 10 (inflation) = 55 (total armadillo eggs FOR REAL)

Take that…

55 (total) / 2 = Ceiling (27.5) = 28 (total jalapenos needed)

You can then pick up a 50 pack of pre-made bacon, and a bag of stick cheese or two.  You are good to go!

Planning food for BBQs isn’t easy, but hopefully with a bit of math and know how you can do it on your own.  The good thing is that if you mess up by over supplying your party… no biggie, you can send some home with people or you can eat it the next day!  Leftover BBQ is AWESOME, trust me.

One last thing… and you used to ask your teacher… when will I EVER USE THIS MATH STUFF IN REAL LIFE!  With BBQ of course.

Tags: Barbeque, Cooking, Perfect BBQ Tips by James
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A clean grill is a happy grill.  Or something like that.  The problem is, and I am sure some of you have experienced it…

When you clean your grill the normal way, you are left with meat and your other BBQ items sticking to your grill and that my friends… is not Good Eats.  I totally stole that.  Don’t tell.

So here is the answer to that problem.

Normally what we do is NOT clean our grill all that often in the sense of scrubbing with a wire brush and all that jazz.  I like to have a seasoned grill that is easy to cook on.  So, about every 4-6 uses of the grill I will take a brush and clean it as much as possible.  I don’t go overboard with it… just clean the top of the actual grate and enough to get it “happy” again.

I’m sure you are thinking…

Why is this dude telling me this, who doesn’t know how to clean a grill?

True.  That part is a given.  If you can brush your teeth… you can clean a grill.  At least that way you can.

Now here comes the tips and tricks that get you to the top of the top of the grilling game.  If there is such a thing.

There is a trick to keeping things from sticking to your grill… a simple trick that will save you time scraping meat off your grill.  What you do after you clean your grill thoroughly with a brush you then need to re-apply oil/grease to it.  Now what I do is take a bit of cooking oil and apply it to a napkin/paper towel/rag of sort and then apply that oil onto your grill evenly.  It shouldn’t be soaked by any means… just make sure you wipe the entire grate portion until all has been covered.  This will keep the majority of things from sticking to the grill the first time you BBQ on it again.

Pretty cool huh?  Yeah I know.  Moving on.  Now what do you do in between the big cleaning sessions?  You know, the 4-6 weeks between deep cleanings.  I learned this one from a friend of mine and so I must give him credit for this one.  Thanks Benny.

Each time you BBQ in between deep cleanings you can clean your grill with a Yellow Onion.  Yup… clean it with food.  ;)  Weird huh?  What you do is get a nice fire going, so your grill is hot and getting cooled down some for your BBQ and you take one Yellow Onion and cut it in half.  After doing so, take one half of it and run, don’t walk… to your grill.  With a gloved hand, be sure it is gloved, you take the onion half and use it like a sponge all over your grill.  It will sizzle and hiss at you, and smell AWESOME.  Use this to clean your grill with throughout and it will take off some stuff (leaving your onion blackish on the bottom).  It will also knock off the majority of the nonsense into the fire that is of the bigger variety.

After that… your grill is ready to clean.  If you want to do this again with the other half… feel free.  Do it as much as you want.  If you don’t use the other half, take it and wrap it in foil and add just a tad bit of butter and leave it on the grill.  You will have a great topper for your meat products when the meal finally arrives!

Get to cleaning, only 4-5 more days until the biggest BBQ day of the year!

Tags: Barbeque, Cooking by James
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