Double Danger Dogs Diary: Vol. 2.5

As Mikey pees on “the corner” in the waiting room – we knew we were in for a doubly-dangerous vet visit.  The lady assured us that it happens all day long, that it was “the corner” – every male had to show its dominance by marking it with his scent.  Mikey definitely dominated at that moment in time.

Izzy decided yesterday that she was grown and that walking on a leash was her latest talent.  I worried all day about how she would act, since the days before she would sit and shake as if we constantly beat her and the leash was our way of keeping her in striking distance.  So I left work just a bit early so I could get home, put the leash on her and see how she reacted.  I put the leash on her & the other on Mikey Danger.  She trotted around like a show dog, never skipping a beat – while I stood in amazement.  That’s my girl I thought, hopefully the last in a long line of procrastinators – she must have read my article from the other day.  Smart ass dog.

So when Shala arrived – she stood at the backdoor in amazement.  I’m sure she was thinking…

“Damn dog.  This was supposed to be the day when I was right and I could tell her Dad… SEE, she is an IDIOT like I told you she was!”

Instead, she came out and gave Izzy her congratulatory pet and we began the load-up for our vet visit.

Izzy hasn’t been in the car other than two times – once on the ride home after we picked up her up at the 6 week mark, the other being a trip to Andrews in which she was young and probably doesn’t even remember.  So we kind of had our doubts on how that would go as well, but she was a champ and before long was laid out like it was a portable bed made for her personally by the Ford development team.  I guess she thinks somehow that in 1996 – Ford thought about her possible birth and in anticipation – created the Explorer with a backseat… who would have thought.

Before long we arrived and we fought and struggled to get Izzy out of the car; standing on our heads, doing backbends – finally resulting in me grabbing her fat ass and pitching her to the ground.  Lovingly of course.  She has never been in our front yard even – so being on concrete & asphalt was a shock and suddenly her feet failed to work.  Some coaching and a bit of bribery led her to the front door and a vet tech coerced her the final half of the way in.  Once inside it was like a candy store – new smells, new visions, new PEEPS!

We gave the people up front our latest info and wrangled the dogs over and of course as I mentioned right off the bat – Mikey christened “the corner” with his own pile of urine.  I remember Shala saying…

“MIKEY… show some manners.” – classic

The waiting room was empty upon arrival so that helped to prevent any unwanted events – but the first sign of people sent Mikey into a barking rage which you would have to see to really understand.  He is a world champion barker – despite his size, and murdered-out the waiting room.  My man.

The dog that came in looked similar to a Bull Mastiff, but seriously was one of the biggest Labs I have ever seen.  This dog had to weight 130lbs+ with a HUGE head.  Mikey didn’t care though, he still acts as if he is looking in a mirror – only knowing that he was the dominant dog… see “the corner” for details.  Obviously this new dog didn’t get the memo.

This goes on for a good 5 mins, with Izzy & Mikey both tangling up their leashes around every chair and whatever else that they could, in the meantime we are fighting to try and grab Mikey, hold his mouth shut and watch the people at the front desk try to talk on the phone while a wiener dog is barking to high heaven.  Fun times.

Finally we get called back to the secondary waiting room – seriously, its like a real doctor these days… wait, then go and wait… then finally you spend 2 minutes with the vet and they send you to pay your bill. 

“Be here at 4:05 so we can get everything done for you early… then you can wait until 5:30 to actually see the Dr.” 

Bastards.

So Izzy tipped the scales at 44 lbs, well I think – she wouldn’t stand still long enough to get an accurate weight, so we settled.  11 lbs a month average… crap.  I hope that slows a bit, or she will be bustin’ 100 by 10 months.  Not funny.  Mikey clocked in at 19 lbs, this dude is in tip top shape as far as weight, muscle goes.  Still a stud.  However his eyes had a problem that they couldn’t diagnose in one visit – go figure… and they are worried that he has some major problems going on visually.  Sux.

They set him another appointment up for next week to see how they are going – and I’m sure it will mean a million dollars in charges and honestly he could care less as all he wants to do all day is smell Izzy’s butt and try to hump something.  We talked to them about getting him fixed, as well as Izzy – HOLY HELL… we will be picking up a loan for that one.  Crap.  Can’t you put a rubber band on his “nu-nu”(s) and let them fall off?  😉  Only kidding, if someone was chopping of my partners – I would want top notch care as well.  Still – we are going to shop around for a cheaper option, without compromising their well-being of course.

After it was all said and done, we dropped 250$ for them to get up to date on shots, them to tell us we are bad parents and that we overfeed them both, fail to look Mikey in his eyes, fail to cut their nails and shouldn’t have children.  Only kidding on the last part – but crap they were mean.  I hate them.  Not hate, but want to kick their shins and run.

To top it all off, we visit them again next week for Mikey’s eyes and in 4 weeks for Izzy’s booster.  We are requesting their records and finding a new vet.

We talked it over with Mikey & Izzy both; they agreed.  We are weird like that.

I’m reminded of something my Brother said…

“Man, dogs don’t need to go to the vet – they used to be wild animals.”

I’m starting to think the same way.